SCANDAL: Bee Frightens Lion Twins!

Hooray! Once again you can hear me babble on about how much I think the LGBT community rocks! Joy!

This is a different matter than the last one, though. This actually concerns something slightly more pertinent to my own doings.

Just to clear the air (and prevent any potential future confusion), I'm bisexual. For you who did not know... surprise! Although, in a strange sort of way, you should have seen something like this coming.

Quite unsurprisingly, however, I've found myself pining for someone unattainable. Allow me to explain:

I have a friend--more like an acquaintance. I don't know him too well, and yet, for reasons I don't fully understand, I am drawn to him. I am overcome with some unfortunate anxiety that essentially prevents me from talking with this person even momentarily.

As I'm writing this, I realize that my thoughts are in no way individual and that a good deal of people have already felt something like this.

Might as well press on. I suppose one cause of this senseless drivel is my general inability to deal with high pressure social situations. I've noticed that, at parties (although my opportunities to attend such things are few and far between), I often get so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that I end up making a total ass of myself; I then realize well into the party, and proceed to mope, and apparently have the impression that all others must be miserable if I am. What of this? I'm terrified to talk to a person I barely know--if you know me, you know that this is quite a rare thing indeed. I have an unfortunate tendency to misinterpret signals and to say things at completely inappropriate times; therefore, whenever I say something even remotely off-topic I get this bizarre feeling that this is only increasing his aversion towards my very presence. I then proceed to speak for an hour with Simone--who, in the past week, has essentially become my psychiatrist--about my apparent lack of confidence. How she puts up with it, I shall never know...

This whole mess has made me question my own ability in the past: How is it that I was able to essentially make a bunch of friends by saying a few random things and then being a generally nice person, and yet now I cannot let a single word escape without torturing myself about how off-topic it may or may not have been? Why can I get by talking to my friends every now and then and still maintain a solid camaraderie while at the same time expecting to possibly coax someone into considering a committed relationship when I can barely utter a word?

More on this uninteresting development in the near future. I'm sure you all are wondering what on Earth I am talking about.